Maybe I should embrace this situation. It is the life I chose as far as wanting to live away from home. I’ve had some trial and error, fuck ups and screw ups but I am trying my damnest to stay afloat of life’s tidal waves. God is in control. I told Him I was giving my life COMPLETELY over to Him. Is this HIS journey? The path that not many, if any, choose. This is pretty scary and all I’m craving is peace in my life. But I must go through the trenches to reach my true destination and person I want to be in life. I haven’t written like this in forever and instead of blabbering about the present, I’m in the moment searching and learning from the lesson and test in all of this. Boy does God throw surprises at you. My hope is beyond recognition right now. Maybe that’s why it’s so strong because I have so much faith within my heart and staying focused. Attempting to keep any and everything negative and of a headache clear and free from my life. I feel unstoppable. God will deliver me from this situation. I’ve come too far to give up because of any obstacle. I’ve thought about it but I’m staying faithful. God shows mercy and forgiveness when we lose focus and sight. But sometimes it’s nothing bad we’ve done. Many times, it’s only growth and events that happen in life. Some situations we place ourselves in and others are beyond our control. It takes a wise individual and spirit to know the difference. I’ve learned so much in almost 22 years of my life. Been through countless downfalls but I still see a light at the end of the tunnel. Life doesn’t just fall apart. Time is nonexistent. Live. And when it’s too hard to live, think happy thoughts. Sometimes the future just has to unfold.
Receptivity. The anticipation of getting a new job. The anticipation of hearing a verdict. That make it or break it point of your life where you have NO control. Only hope, faith, and patience. The ability to stand and let God and the universe work on your behalf. You can maybe influence the outcome of things with your attitude but not always. Sometimes we as precious and flaw filled humans have to actually… wait, for the future to unfold. Days seem longer when you’re trying to reach a happy or sane destination. Breathe as if everything will be alright. And even if things unfold in a way you didn’t expect, if you know you did all you can, there should be no regrets. Only situations that you can only learn from.
Pray and hold on.
Copyright 2013 Ta’Mesha Smith