They say marijuana brings hallucinations and everything I see is quite clear. I haven’t blogged in a very long time and I’m not sure what reason there could be for that. I’m more in tune now with living life and staying in tune with everything that is going on around me. Not much have I wrote out clearly what is going on in my head. Mistakes have turned into blessing and everything much more than I’ve expected out of life so far. Going on this path releases me from negative energy. Of course with the occasional moments when I attempt to place extra stress on my trials of life. Putting everything into perspective at this very moment, I am on the correct path. After years of searching and wondering where my dedication to life will be placed other than being a mother. I was meant for anything that God has on my path. My mission is still my mission when it comes to being an inspiration. Shit is good. And I mean really good, depending on how you attempt to view life. Your attitude is everything when it comes to getting through the days and going towards a goal. My purpose lies in the lines of every notebook I have wrote in. Music has become the soul center of my thoughts and now as well my actions. Shit ain’t easy but it’s worth it. If it was easy then everybody would be doing it, I try to look at things from an angle of inspiration. Let everything that comes into my life be a lesson. This is therapy to me and without it I would continue to look at life in a confused state. But damn right now I really feel good about all the decisions and choices being made. I’ve crafted myself and created the journey that I wanted. My dreams stick to me throughout the days. My level of passion for everything has heightened, The feeling is beyond serious between me and life. My mission is to conquer it. God is my soul center. My daughter is the soul reason. And poetry is the soul solution. Let’s move into a higher state of consciousness to bring things to reality and minds beneath that leave me distant, Just get it done and flow with it at your own pace. I’ve searched for all of the words my entire life and finally, they come to the surface of everything I’ve been trying to communicate. It’s a feeling of euphoria that can’t be ignored by any means necessary. With all my intentions quite clear, keep this in perspective.
Maybe I should embrace this situation. It is the life I chose as far as wanting to live away from home. I’ve had some trial and error, fuck ups and screw ups but I am trying my damnest to stay afloat of life’s tidal waves. God is in control. I told Him I was giving my life COMPLETELY over to Him. Is this HIS journey? The path that not many, if any, choose. This is pretty scary and all I’m craving is peace in my life. But I must go through the trenches to reach my true destination and person I want to be in life. I haven’t written like this in forever and instead of blabbering about the present, I’m in the moment searching and learning from the lesson and test in all of this. Boy does God throw surprises at you. My hope is beyond recognition right now. Maybe that’s why it’s so strong because I have so much faith within my heart and staying focused. Attempting to keep any and everything negative and of a headache clear and free from my life. I feel unstoppable. God will deliver me from this situation. I’ve come too far to give up because of any obstacle. I’ve thought about it but I’m staying faithful. God shows mercy and forgiveness when we lose focus and sight. But sometimes it’s nothing bad we’ve done. Many times, it’s only growth and events that happen in life. Some situations we place ourselves in and others are beyond our control. It takes a wise individual and spirit to know the difference. I’ve learned so much in almost 22 years of my life. Been through countless downfalls but I still see a light at the end of the tunnel. Life doesn’t just fall apart. Time is nonexistent. Live. And when it’s too hard to live, think happy thoughts. Sometimes the future just has to unfold.
Receptivity. The anticipation of getting a new job. The anticipation of hearing a verdict. That make it or break it point of your life where you have NO control. Only hope, faith, and patience. The ability to stand and let God and the universe work on your behalf. You can maybe influence the outcome of things with your attitude but not always. Sometimes we as precious and flaw filled humans have to actually… wait, for the future to unfold. Days seem longer when you’re trying to reach a happy or sane destination. Breathe as if everything will be alright. And even if things unfold in a way you didn’t expect, if you know you did all you can, there should be no regrets. Only situations that you can only learn from.
I’m usually never lonely
But there are those days when my sunshine can’t take the pain away
All my laughs and jokes
Showing care to careless folks
Running around playing with the yolks
Because the eggheads don’t get it yet
To be great you have to be the best
Like days when I don’t fit in
Or trying to mesh with other’s bestfriends that don’t quite comprehend my complexities
Now not to sound so worried
Just showing off what’s blurry
My difficulties sometimes bring out the worse in me
Fences all made of steel
Snotty nose and back pain
Like damn , all this heavy lifting is getting to me again
There was a time when I would cry countless tears
Shy away from judgmental ears so they can’t nitpick at me like rats
These nghas chasing down these cats
But see I’m all about personality
On my way to this vow of celibacy
Because I’ve been fucked for way to long
Like I was always out with a smile and a thong
But really looking for acceptance
Or atleast a little understanding
And the reoccurring mishandlings of my good intentions
Do I really see exactly what is around me?
Or am I living in my false presumption , some days pitiful, other days happy , screwed up , scribbled much , far too in depth but brainwashed reality …?
Read my lips slowly so you can interpret every aspect of me. Watching the words roll off my tongue and onto your heart. Pink is within each and every motivation of my body. Love ache spasm triggering every few seconds. And the minutes turn into hours. Could I fall into your love and lie there for an eternity?
The quiet faces of jealously speaks louder unspoken
With envy stuck in between teeth like the different shades of green
Spinach for its protein to keep hate strong and alive
Surviving through all acts of kindness
And reaching to poor destinations of violence
Insecurity sadly speaks louder than confidence
Although it is overshadowed and overpowered by high volumes of esteem for ones self
Recycled thoughts on replay
There’s no such thing as rewind
And fast forwarding creates unprepared anxiety with time
Look to yourself for all truths