When I started this blog not to long ago, I told myself that I would refrain from sharing things that were more personal to me. Things that I continue to hide so no one can truly relate to the person I am. I have always thought of it as a blessing and a curse the way I’m so different, because I know that I am one of a kind. In no way have I ever tried to sound cocky while saying that, I am just well aware of the person that I have grown to be. I like to walk around thinking that no one knows how I feel, no one can ever understand my demanding thoughts and no one could ever survive the pressures that I put myself through.
For a while I was in-denial about my depression and at times I still channel back to my fantasy land thinking that life will forever be sweet as long as I can cover up what I really think and feel on a daily basis. But that’s what being a writer is all about. Knowing you have people that can relate to you and support you but you still choose to be a loner. You try to convince yourself that judgement from the ones you love the most can’t have an impact on how you feel about yourself.
Having this blog and finally being able to express myself outside of poetry is much needed for my growth. In life you are continuously growing each day with each batch of laughter and each heart ache. You have the power to control your destination in life. You have the power to make choices. You have the power to control how you think, not letting your thoughts control you. For so long I would always try and change my personality and the things that truly defined how unique I was as a person, not knowing that it was really my attitude I needed to change. My perspective on life is constantly getting altered and my vision gets cloudy from all the built up stress but with all my change has brought a great deal of unhappiness. Unhappiness that I am no longer wanting to claim as mine.
Copyright 2012 Ta’Mesha Smith