Just relax is what I am constantly telling myself at just about every second of the day. 86,400 seconds in a day, take away about 21,600 for the average of about 6 hours I get of sleep each night and you are left with 64,800 seconds, in which I over analyze every little single piece of my forever evolving existence. I believe there are some loose screws around the way of my nerves controlling center, whatever or wherever that may be. I have tried the constant chewing of gum, the breathing techniques and I promise if anyone ever throws a stress ball in my lap I may throw it back with a little more force. I guess you can say I have a severe case with anger issues but there is a beautiful side of it. There is something intriguing about a mind that is never at ease. My nerves constantly keep me in the “flight or fight” state of mind so I’m always well aware of what is going on around me. Maybe a little too aware. I always have an uneasy feeling at the pit of my stomach waiting to emerge with just a single evasive or negative thought. I’m not even sure I know how to distinguish good nerves from bad nerves anymore. It’s a constant feeling of headache within my body. Meditation is short lived because my brain waves are similar to a 4 year old on Christmas or right after that first batch of Halloween candy.
I read a good bit of psychology, in which I once wanted to study in college. But lately I’ve been wondering, am I doing it to learn psychology and the facts or am I doing it to fix myself? We all want to do simple diagnostics on ourselves because you never want to hear anyone else calling you crazy. We, the crazies, despise such labels, so be careful with the words you speak unto others. Medication and therapy are not anywhere on my list of solutions. Unless the medication is high doses of happiness and the therapy is of course with the pages that would not dare to judge me. Most of us try to find little things to constantly keep our mind busy so we won’t worry ourselves to death, literally. There’s something therapeutic about poetry to me, along with reading essay novels, playing with that beautiful daughter of mine, exercising, or even dancing like no one is watching. Hey, we all have done it, just not a good deal of us admit it. Inspiration can come from anywhere and when trying to find coping mechanisms in life, you need inspiration, you need creativity, and you need a huge imagination. Without those vital properties of life, artists basically would not exist.
So tell me, how do you deal with nerves and anxiety even when your body and mind is being stubborn?
Copyright 2012 Ta’Mesha Smith