Silent Cries For Help, Listen To Me!

Disrupting emotions ran deep
Somewhere in between I lost my sense of control and welcomed lust in with open arms
I felt,
Powerless
Hopeless
Used

And lower than any root could ever be
He bribed me with wishful thinking
A future that never existed
All while promising me a family that he had no intentions of going through with

Even with my bruised lips
I always made it my responsibility to constantly repeat the “I love you’s”
I should have been screaming,
“HOW COULD YOU?! BROKEN PROMISES, YOU DECEIVED ME! HOW COULD YOU EVER FIX YOUR MOUTH TO SAY THE WORDS “YOU NEED ME!?”

My fed up teardrops are no longer wanted
I disowned them how you did me
What else can I give that won’t forever leave my heart at a stand-still

I’m like,
If I go in this direction then how will my kids feel?
How could I purposely leave them in a broken home
Where the sun is never present and a peaceful night is always second guessed
The happiness is never expected

I wanted to leave
I promise you I wanted to stand up and protest for all the lonely souls that have witnessed this reluctant sense of self worth
But I couldn’t
I didn’t
I should have abused his love how he did me

If
Only if I could turn back those lovely hands of time
Those, lovely hands of mine that would console my bruised and broken bones
I would take that knife
Correct my wrongs
Put more appreciation to my life
And put an end to his

I sacrificed the safety of my offspring by satisfying my sufferings only for a moment
I told my remorse I didn’t want it
I wanted to sulk in my pity because I believed I wasn’t worth it

For what its worth,
These clouds do provide me with the support that he promised in the beginning
I wish that lustful moment never existed

Copyright 2012 Ta’Mesha Smith

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