Paralyzing Love

I was never fully aware that love could paralyze you.
Bring series of numbness.
Although the hurt you cannot avoid,
They tell you each day it gets better.
But every formal kiss that they place upon another’s cheek,
Makes the inferiors of your interiors feel weak.
Weaker than their previous state of deprivation.

There’s a disruption to my life when I must take time out to recover.
To reconstruct the walls to be built around my heart,
And open up my mind to dangers,
And possibilities outside of myself.
The absence of love gives me open mind space.
No room for the headaches.
No room for the wondering.
The privileged of being careless.
The privileged of not giving a shit,
When the words fall from his lips,
“I love you”.

Never mind if he’s telling the truth,
Because the truth can be deceiving.
A person will spit out anything to stop your heart from bleeding,
And place false hope upon the hand that feeds them.
The days of being taken for granted,
Are long behind the shadows I used to lurk so I wouldn’t look foolish.
But I would always say to myself,
“Only a fool would do this”.
Worrying myself crazy,
While they were living care free.

It’s interesting how our mind can get the best of us.
“You always talking to that bitch!”.
Yeah it was viceversa,
I was losing all of his trust.
Got tired of my feelings being dismissed,
Feeling hopeless out searching for lust.
Searching for someone I could actually depend on,
When I should have been depending on myself.
I was never fully aware that love could paralyze you.

Copyright 2012 Ta’Mesha Smith


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