My Desperate Burden

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God
How I wish that my heart was blind and thoughtless
I wish I could
Pull out this misery beating within my chest
Give me feelings that are completely detached and less passionate
So hurt can no longer find me
No longer distribute my kindness and the pieces of me that are compassionate
Because they don’t deserve it

He wasn’t worth it

This agony is unbearable
And I swore to him that I would never let go
But are my needs not more important?
I don’t want to be left bitter
Sacrificed and scorned because I put my heart on the line for you

Talking to myself going crazy
Because I fell victim to that so called “lazy love”
That so called “unconditional love”
Well under what conditions did you choose to not need me
Aggravating irrational feelings
These things I just,
Don’t understand.
These things I just,
Can’t seem to wrap my hands around.

Disintegrating myself down to a lot less than what I started with

I was
Hopeful
Fearless
Loving
Well managed under this hassle

Now I’m
Hopeless
Fearful
Loveless
Dodging the parts of me that still feel alive
Because of this self inflicted pride
Covering things up with my faulty looking stride
And the glossy look in my eyes

Who is to say that dying wouldn’t be easy
Give up on this disturbing awareness
That I still have beating within my chest
I’m better off careless
Knowing my role as a lonely lunatic
That’s oversensitive to pain

God
How I wish I could place shutters over my thighs
Laying all my past to rest
It’s too much for me to carry
Too much for me to worry
This misery will just always be apart of me
Like a desperate burden

Copyright 2012 Ta’Mesha Smith

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