Once again, sitting in front of this well known mirror to my self esteem, repeating the words “It’s okay to be okay”. Today, I woke up in the same train of thoughts that I have been in for days, lost, sulking, confused about this silly little life of mine. Days go by where I’m in the greatest mood, like I had just won an award for my first published novel or something. Then my insecurities strike again and I have to give myself tiny pep talks throughout the day, “Don’t be insecure”. Sure enough all my positive affirmations work, only when I let them. We all have heard of being afraid of failure. Never reaching forward or taking that extra step because you’re afraid of what won’t happen. But then there are us “others” who are afraid to succeed. Afraid that for once, everything can and will go right. So, we constantly place ourselves in that lonely, empty box trying to figure out realities that are already staring us down in the face. Nervous. For what? Afraid. For what?
It’s okay to be okay. It’s okay to not feel sad. It’s okay to know where you’re going and what you want to do with your life. It’s okay to be happy, smiling, and laughing. It’s okay to be myself and not who others think I should be. It’s okay to wake up in the mornings with a smile on your face ready to take on the world with all the inner strength and wisdom you’ve acquired over the months and the years. It’s okay to be successful in all that you will accomplish and who you are as a person. At what point when we were growing up did we or others convince ourselves that we’re not good enough? I have to always tell myself that being in deep thought and shutting myself off from the world isn’t putting a strain on anyone except myself and what I am trying to accomplish. Putting up walls so they can’t see my truth. I’ve come to the point where I don’t even know how to express myself unless it’s written on these pages. And that’s okay. I have learned how to control my toxic thoughts and it’s simple, don’t think them. Do you want to know why? Because they don’t matter. A cause for concern at this moment is trying to creep into me, pounding in the advice that they actually are relevant when that is far from the truth. It’s okay to be okay but will my pride of always being so stern and tight on myself ever accept that?
I spend too much time analyzing everything and as a result I spend more time thinking rather than doing. And that turns into creating notions in my mind that have either not happened, won’t happen, and even if they do happen, there are certain things I cannot control. I am only able to control how these events and actions of others make me feel. We are the only ones who hold ourselves back.
It’s okay to be okay.
Don’t continue to sabotage yourself, there will be enough people throughout your life that will try and do that for you.
Copyright 2013 Ta’Mesha Smith